"Ironic" lyrics - BO BURNHAM

[Spoken:]
I believe in the zodiac! Yeah, I do, I'm a Leo, I love Titanic
This is something morbidly ironic: my grandmother was a cancer, and she was killed by a giant crab
This is a song about the idea of irony, so strap in!

[Singing:]
My dog's stomach was very upset
So we put him in the car
And we went to the vet
And on our way to the vet
I killed a cat

I say
Isn't that ironic?

I adopted a child from overseas
To rescue him from child labor factories
And on his very first birthday
We went to Build-A-Bear workshop

Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C

Yes
And a waterpark is burned to the ground
And a tow truck is broken down
I always used to cry when I laughed
But then I was raped by a clown

I was watching Al Gore on CNN
He was talking and talking and talking, and then
Out of boredom
My pet polar bear shot himself

I dated an animal rights activist
One day she got really pissed
Because I was eating veal
That was wrapped in PETA bread
Get it? Because pita... fuck it

I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C

Yeah, I said
I'm a stand-up comic
But I always sit and slouch
And I got my girlfriend pregnant
On my sterile uncle's pull out couch

I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C, Ironic

Yeah
If everyday you play the board game RISK
You've probably never taken a risk in your life
And Monopoly has far from a stranglehold
On the board game market

And a little kid died from
Suffocation
When he choked on a game piece from
Operation

And I can't grow a beard
But that one's not ironic
That one's just sad
Bob Barker got all of my pets pregnant

My grandfather had Alzheimer's
And one day we were...