"Halfway Up Virginia" lyrics - IVOR BIGGUN

Now I'm just an old hillbilly boy,
I aint no city slicker,
My interests is incest bestiality and liquor.

I live on grits and catfish that muck around in the fountains,
And I'm just a cunt... cunt... country boy,
And I fuck around in the mountains.

But I've been down in Georgia, I've been in Caroline,
I've been in both their sisters, and the hole in the lonesome pine.
Been in and out of Charlotte and her husbands after meeeeee.
But half way up Virginia is where I wanna be.
Yea, half way up Virginia is where I wanna be.

Now I've got fifty sweethearts,
They think that I'm a star,
One of 'em says 'Oh baby',
And the rest of them say 'Baa'.
You can depend on a four legged friend,
And when I go out bonking,
I dress that sheep in a gingham gown,
And take her honkey-tonkin'.

Two to the left,
Two to the right,
Hooves together,
And docey doe.

I needn't buy no new fur coat,
'Cos she's got one that's curly,
Just a jug or two of mountain dew,
And turnips for my girly.

I've stuffed my tool in a Georgia mule,
But I give them cows a miss,
'Cos you feel such a cunt runnin' round to the front,
When you want to give 'em a kiss.

But I've been in Alberta, I've been chasin' beaver,
Had a pokey in Mistokey with a three legged golden retriever.
I've been through Mississippi and her husbands after meeeeee,
But halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be,
Yea, halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be.

Had a bunk up with a skunk up,
Where the blue grass blooms,
Had a good fuck from a woodchuck,
And polecats and racoons.

A hound-dog and a groundhog,
A possum up a tree,
And everything that bleats and barks and can't run faster than me. Yahoo!

They're playin' my tune!

Now down the creek lives Lulu Belle,
She's a virgin and I believe her,
But if she ain't good enough for her own kin folk,
She ain't good enough for me neither!

I've had all critters great and small,
In the hills of Tennessee,
And every last one is female,
'Cos there ain't nothing strange about me!

And I've yodelled down the canyon on both sides of Caroline,
And I'll grow very handsome if her brother doesn't mind.
I've messed around in buffalo from sea to shining seeeeeeeeea,
But halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be,
Yea, halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be,
Yea, halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be.

Yodelleeeo,
Yodelleeeo,
Yodelleeee.