"Phone Machine" lyrics - THE VANDALS

Hello. No one can get to the phone right now, so for your convenience, your call is being answered automatically.

If this is you
You can suck my dick
If it's my boss
Fuck you, I quit
If it's the girl
You ain't worth shit
If this is school
Cough, cough, I'm really sick

But if this is Grandma
I'm so sorry I missed your call
I'll see you on Sunday
Goodbye, and I love you

But if this is you
You can suck my dick
If it's my boss
Fuck you, I quit
Anyone else
You can do the same
Don't leave a message
Unless you're fuckin' lame!

[Beep]

Hi baby, this is your grandmother. I just wanted to tell you that I got a tube of shoe goo today. Kathy has it, she's going to repair her tennis shoes. But you might want to try that on those two strips that are off of your doors. I think you'll find it works pretty well. It's gonna fix that, but you've got to be a little careful handling it or it gets kind of messy, but it's just great. Just be sure and kind of hold it down some way until it's pressed in firmly. I used it on the outside of the Oldsmobile and it held on longer than the car was... until it was wrecked. So you try it. Good luck. Grandma.