"Hide The Sausage (Rap Version)" lyrics - IVOR BIGGUN

Well there's a brand new dance
Everybody's trying to do
It's better than the pogo
The shimmy or the boogaloo
You can do it by yourself
But it's much more fun with two
So come on everybody
Let's go nuts and screw
And this is just what you do

You've got to...

[Chorus:]
Hide the sausage
Come on and hide the sausage
It's time to hide the sausage tonight
You've got to sink the winkle
It's really very simple
To straighten out your wrinkle tonight
Come on let's play mums and dads
The moon is shining bright
Come on everybody and hide the sausage tonight
Get it right out of sight

It's a dance you can do on the sofa
It's a dance you can do in the park
You can do it round the back of Sainsbury's
If you're quick and you do it when it's dark
You can do it backwards, frontwards and sideways
Provided that you're over sixteen (I am... next birthday)
You can even do it standing up, I've seen it in a magazine
But you've got to be keen

When you...

[Chorus]

Hide that Sausage. Get it out of sight.
Hide it to the left and hide it to the right.
Hide it in the corner that mother nature planned,
And if you cannot hide it, then hold it in your hand.
Hide it somewhere safe and warm where it cannot be found,
Or stick it out the winder and wave it all around.
And don't funk till you've had enough sausage...
...would you like to see my pimple headed trouser mole?

Show the one eyed zipper rat just where to hide his nose.
Tell the pink policeman where his purple helmet goes.
You can do it in a disco, you can do it in a small-room
If you wear baggy trousers you've already got the ball-room.
Into the old dark continent send Doctor Livingstone.
Warp the S.S. Enterprise into the Twilight Zone.
Oooh look! Here comes a guided muscle to blast you into maternity...

Belly to Belly, Toes to toes
Plant that cucumber, my goodness how it grows
The todger, the nodger, the old pork walking stick
The Honourable member who stands for Hampton Wick
The sausage, the banger, the roly-poly pud
Lubricate the loofah it will make you feel so good
Hide that sausage, Hide it, You won't be disappointed
If you can hide it by yourself you must be double jointed
Submerge the old salami, sink the submarine
Hot Dog Sandwich with a wiener in between
Plunge that dipstick and get the engine crankin'
It's much more fun than football and nearly as good as wankin'
Show the bald head ferret where the bunny rabbit's gone
But make sure he keeps his overcoat on!

Well a little chippolata
That points down to your toes
Is as good as a big Frankfurter
That reaches up to your nose
And if it's a Wiener Schnitzel (Mein Gott)
Or a hot dog stuffed in a bun
Or a big black pudding
Come and do it everyone
You can join in the fun

Don't be a w*nker just...

[Chorus]

Everybody
Hide the sausage, come on and hide the sausage
Hide the sausage, come on and hide the sausage

Let's all conceal the saveloy
Let's go barmy with the salami
Let's put the toad in the hole
Would you like to play a tune on my pork clarinet?
Get it right out of sight

Written by Ivor Biggun
Published by Universal Music Publishing Ltd./ Momentum 3
Lyrics reprinted by permission of the publishers
Available on the CD album The Fruity Bits of Ivor Biggun
Previously unreleased extended rap version
Original version released on a 7? vinyl Single